Aside

A letter to Myself

Dear Razan,

Hey it’s been a while or maybe it’s even the first time I talk to you heart to heart, I realized something today and I had to write you a letter so first let me just tell you a story so for a while I have been feeling really lonely and just like a broken cassette player that  repeats everything my life was literally waking up , going to the washroom, eat, watch some series ,  more eating then to add spice have a fight with my family and to add double the spice I start to feel absolutely sad about my life and repeat the next day just wishing that Tomorrow somehow the cassette will get fixed or if am lucky I get a new one and start recording new stuff which is under my control. I always go to bed thinking “okay tomorrow am going to fix this” and never do until I burst into tears one day and started to re-introduce myself to you I made new rules, kicked out people who were “Negative” and even started to make friends but that didn’t go so well too because I thought they will fill up the emptiness inside of me. don’t get me wrong some good had come from this journey I was able to adapt to my situation and started owning my feelings and not just ignore them, but I never realized that for me to make friends and be “social” I have to be friends with someone who’s with me 24/7 YOU, YES YOU RAZAN “ I can’t give love if I don’t have love “ that’s a saying I always hear but never believe it was always a cute quote that I tweet but never believe until now, so am here now to say hey would you be my friend and I want to promise you something:

1)    I would feed you all day (#teamfood)

2)    I will learn to love you and understand you

3)    I will treat you the way I want people to treat me

They say if you want something ask for it and I want a happy life so I have to start with being happy with You so the universe can attract happiness to my life and hey I know you want to be my friend because you always try to get my attention by being against me so now let us be one team and achieve whatever we want and for the first time I want to say I am in the way of saying I LOVE YOU so stay by my side

Lots of love

Razan

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Who am I and why am I here?

I’m the air you breath and the sun that shines your life am your moth…. Okay, now I need to stop.

I’m Razan and am also a teenager who has a lot in her heart and just want to talk and express, am a student who wants to learn about life and not solve one more find “X” equation because The bigger “X” is my life. They teach you how to solve “X” equation, but they can’t even teach you how to solve the bigger “X” (Your life). Before all of that is a human who is trying to find their purpose and ace it.

I am  going through a phase where I just felt empty, useless, and just lonely so I’m here to express and impress, I’m here to heal and feel, I’m here to prove that I can do and will ace in something.

Brain talk: Good old love

You see LOVE is a hard subject to talk about cause everyone has a different opinion and definitions for it yes definition with an “S” cause love is not only loving someone special. You can love a robot or to travel or  even the garbage that you take out of the house every day ( okay I don’t think the last one is true) what am saying that it comes in different shapes and sizes and colors there is no right love and wrong love. LOVE IS JUST LOVE
Now you should be thinking aren’t you the love believer and the romantic?? Yes, I am but that got me nothing other than heartbreaks and losing a lot of money on makeup to cover those black circles. I can’t sit here and be like love is the greatest thing on earth cause sometimes it sucks and it’s hard to actually believe in love cause man am a person who needs affection it hurts when one of my friends that I truly love and admire is not giving me the attention and love I give them ( btw for you people who think love is only for lovers boy get out of here without my homegirls love I would be nowhere !! Who is gonna curl my hair and marry me and let me embrace my lesbian side ?? ) and it hurt when my baby aka my phone breaks I would literally break up with anyone but not scratch my phone but these moments shape up who we are and stronger our immune system ( yes breaking your phone stronger your immune system SCIENCE !! ) and am not gonna say that it’s not scary to get heartbroken but don’t you think the fact that you are heartbroken means you are lucky enough to experience love ( *cough* and emotions *cough* ) I myself trying to learn that even though I got heartbroken few times that doesn’t mean that love doesn’t exist cause it does and I experience it but just the other person wasn’t the right person for that love ( boy your loss !! 💁🏽 )
I think nowadays that teens are more in love with the idea of dating more than love itself we just wanna be in a relationship just because people do it or we are in love with the unrealistic type of love aka Disney love . in real life guys don’t go around the whole country carrying a shoe and knocking doors and letting girls try it out for two obvious reasons they don’t have the money and time for that and because some girls wear the same shoe size ( mind=blown) and here where I believe in the saying love is overrated cause most people believe in happy ending and once upon time stories.
Some people say if you are in love then go and admit it to the world and let the person know this is a good advice but lemme just translate that in teens words this means “ go find a lovely quote and post it on every social media with a cute captain “ and here where you introduce the read between the lines idea . You see am even guilty of this I understand you don’t wanna face rejection and hurt your ego I get it but maybe we should keep our egos aside and just be in love cause there are 7 billion people on this planet and there is someone for you so you may get rejected today but you will be loved tomorrow.

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Please share your thoughts with me and maybe answer some of my questions do you think love is real in these days ?? Does physical attraction can be called a type of love ?? And are you In love ??